There are a lot of resources on the website.
If you want to download or buy the cd/mp3 we listened to (it isn't too expensive), you can go to: http://www.iplayback.com/product/2061/147
Notes from Having Hard Conversations audio piece:
1. Begin play at Track 2 (min 9:50 – 20:34)
Think about a hard conversation you haven’t had yet with somebody. What are the circumstances surrounding the concern? What is bothering you? What are some of the reasons why you haven’t said anything yet? (3 min. writing)
The tensions. Why we hesitate? Think about - which is the reason for you hesitating in your case study?
- Don’t want to look mean. Want people to like you.
- Safety – afraid of reaction/consequence/security.
- Comfort - effort it will take to deal with the problem/culture
- No sense of urgency
- I don’t have the right words to be ‘perfect’
- Distrust – I don’t have the repoire or right judgement/understanding
- I don’t have enough role authority
- I don’t trust person can take it
- Too big of a shift in role expectations – didn’t think that was my job
- I know the person too well/will negatively effect the relationship
- I thought the person already knew how to do this – why should I have to say something
- I don’t even believe in the work I have to implement
- Don’t have the energy/too tired
- The person is a nice person
- They didn’t mean it (intent vs. impact)
(end of track 2)
2. Listen to track 2 up to 1:30 then do writing.
3. Think about the reasons why we hesitate and what wins out. What connections are you making between your case study and the concepts we just shared? (2 min to write) total to this section = 17 minutes
4. Track 2 1:40 – 7 :00 Ask group to think about the question below as they listen (6 min)
Imagine you are having the conversation. What questions do you ask yourself as you figure out whether or not you should even have the conversation? (metacognitive ‘ready’, ‘aim’) Track 3, min 3)
- What will reaction be? What will impact be if you don’t?
- Will it help or hurt?
- How does it effect whole school? What is direct effect on children?
- What needs to happen vs. what do I want to happen? What happens if it doesn’t happen?
- Do I have enough data?
- What will union say?
Categories from “Tempered Radicals” – How do you make effective change from within a system? Things people think before the conversation:
- Timing
- Stakes
- What is likelihood of success?
- Are there other options?
- What are the consequences if it fails?
- How personally associated with this – will I walk the talk?
- Doability
5. Play Track 3 (min 8:55-15.54) (7 min) – Track 4 to min 10. Think about your case study/outcome map as she describes. As people listen, point to the outcome map steps article and states of mind article and draft thoughts about your case study. – we could then decide to talk through 1 persons or share thinking around each others (15 minutes)
6 questions in 6 columns
- What is the presenting problem? What do you want to talk to the person about? What is imperative and doable vs. somewhat important? Be precise/use standards.
- What is the 180 of that? What do you want to see? What is the complete opposite of the problem? Move from the existing state to the desired state. Envision the change.
- What does (column 2) that look like and sound lik (? What specific measurable things would you like to see and hear if the problem was gone?
- What internal barrier is stopping that person from executing the behaviors you want to see? What skills or knowledge (internal resources/state of mind) does that person need? Does what you are asking them to do play to a strength? Is it cognitive, emotional? What might I need to enforce, value or give permission to?
- What external barriers are stopping the person? Is there a social force?
- Action plan: What strategies will you use? What supports can you put in place?
- What do you need to implement Hard Conversations strategies?
Shares Models
Gym teacher – ‘get with program’ Track 4 (min. 5 - 7)
Math teacher – ‘kids failing math’ – ‘in charge of own learning’ Track 4 (min 7:15 – 10)
6. Work through map on own (5 min) Share with somebody. (10 min) (15 min)
Using the outcome map (min.12-16 stop – hard to hear) What have you learned?
- making invisible visible
- sense of control
- releases worry/have a plan
- reciprocal ownership – collaborating on creating plan/internal resources – not assuming you know
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7. Track 5 (min 4:45-7:30) (3min) How does the conversation end? Suggestion or expectation? You need to discern, be very clear. How much time to you set aside for dialogue? How do you prepare/get energy/confidence? (mantras, music)
8. Quote Track 5 (10:00 – 11:00) (1min)
